Treatment of Outliers in Society

          For the most part outliers are not appreciated in society or by the media. Thanks to the media we all have this preconceived notion of what it means to be normal, of what is acceptable. As a result anything that juxtaposes that image is met with disdain. The reason we dislike difference so much is because we fear what we don't understand. We don't understand homosexuality and so we fear it. Why do we fear change? Same reason, we're afraid of what will happen due to that change. Fear. Fear drives us; it's what motivates us and (is something that) influences our decisions.

Let's say we have a group of college students. They're what we would consider to be normal since they fit the media's image of normalcy. The kids in the group are all heterosexual, decent grades, they party moderately, are decent people, etc. Now let's assume that they're all great friends that grew up with relatively similar images of what it means to be normal. Now the kids are talking about their views of homosexuality. Most of the kids in the group are against homosexuality and are freely voicing their concerns. However, there are a few kids that don't share the same belief as their friends. They are heterosexual but have no problems with homosexuals. The way don't see why the media, society, and religion suppress homosexuals. The way they see it, the only thing homosexuals have done wrong is feel (non-platonic) affection for others of the same gender. They also realize that homosexuals have no choice in their desires. The students that don't agree with the majority of the group remain silent because they are afraid of what will happen if they speak up but they realize the plea of homosexuals. It's like Lady Gaga said, "I was born this way". In a world where there are serial killers, kidnappers, terrorists, etc. Why are we focusing so much of our time on homosexuals? Why are we suppressing them so much? Why are advocates of homosexuals opposed by the media (and society)? Compared to those criminals what is it that homosexuals have done that's so bad that we ostracize them so? 

Anyone who has views that are different from that of the media (of society) is ostracized. They are singled out and opposed. Take the Dixie Chicks Controversy as an example. The whole controversy arose from something that one of the members of the group, Natalie Maine said, "Just so you know, we're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas". The news of this negative comment spread like a brushfire on a hot and windy summer day. The outcry from patriotic country fans was deafening and conservative talk radio had a field day with the news, particularly since Natalie Maine made the statement while playing overseas and during wartime. That one comment had most of the country up in arms. They were appalled that someone would say something so 'unpatriotic'. How could the Dixie Chicks say something like that?

Natalie Maines comment, "Just so you know, we're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas” was a result of her frustration with the actions of the president at the time Bush. The group released a Thursday saying they have been overseas for several weeks and "the anti-American sentiment that has unfolded here is astounding. While we support our troops, there is nothing more frightening than the notion of going to war with Iraq and the prospect of all the innocent lives that will be lost." In a separate statement, Maines said, "I feel the president is ignoring the opinion of many in the U.S. and alienating the rest of the world. My comments were made in frustration, and one of the privileges of being an American is you are free to voice your own point of view."

That “point of view” however didn’t sit well with many in the public. And with country fans known as being fiercely patriotic, it wasn’t surprising when sales of their then recent studio release, “Home,” began to plummet. A few weeks later Entertainment Weekly featured the three defiant Chicks -- Maines, Emily Robison and Martie Maguire -- on the cover, naked and painted with various slogans from “Saddam’s angels” to “free speech.” They decided to make the most of their 'freedom of speech'. Since the majority public (if the media is anything to go by) has little respect for them, the Dixie Chicks figured that this was the perfect opportunity to experiment (musically) and make the most of their freedom of speech. The Dixie Chicks were by no means the only ones who were not happy with President Bush's decision to have increasing amounts of troops overseas. They were just the most recognized and (as a result) the most vocal about it. Years down the road, many people became increasingly frustrated with President Bush's decision to send troops overseas as it had gotten to the point that the US was spending excessive amounts of money to maintain troops that were stationed overseas and could not pull them back to the US. 

We expect different things from different people. For example, Eminem is held to a different standard than the Dixie Chicks. If Eminem had said what the Dixie Chicks had, he might not have been as hard as the Dixie Chicks were by the media because he was expected to do controversial radical things. I mean rap is one of the most controversial genres of music out there. Which just goes to show the double standards present in American society. It's an implicit expectation and is true not only for music artists but for everyone. What Natalie Maine said was shot down and faced the negative publicity that it did partly because the Dixie Chicks were considered a country group at the time of the incident. As a result their audience didn't expect something like that from them and was shocked. 

The thing to take from all that is that the Dixie Chicks were different. While most of the people of America were praising President Bush and his plans, the Dixie Chicks were bothered by what the president was doing and did not agree with his plans or actions (at least in regards to the issue of sending troops overseas). As a result they voiced their concerns. They were different, outliers, and their 'difference' resulted in them being ostracized by the media and society of America. 

 In George Orwell's 1984, anyone that opposed the Party was disciplined. In 1984, the totalitarian group known as the Party, controlled just about everything its citizens did. If any citizen did anything that wasn't approved by the Party, they were taken away to be 'reformed' and were often made examples of. The society of Oceania juxtaposes that of America and that goes to show just how powerful and important our freedom of speech is.

          So due to Dixie Chick's opinions they were ostracized by the general public (initially). The same thing happens to people who support homosexuals and homosexuality. The majority of the population (of the United States of America at least) is heterosexual. So heterosexuality is considered 'normal' and homosexuality is considered 'abnormal'. As a result, if someone says something that goes against what we believe is normal (and what the media has us believing is normal/acceptable) then that person is ostracized. In an earlier post I mentioned a song by Macklemore: "Same Love". Following in the tradition of his popular, socially concerned anthems "Outsiders" and "Wings", the lyrics (of "Same Love") are about dismantling homophobia and promoting marriage equality. " Why is what Macklemore says so controversial? Why is it considered to be controversial and met with most negative responses? It's controversial because it's different. In the song, Macklemore says "If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me, have you read the YouTube comments lately?" Which goes to show that not only are homosexuals categorized and opposed because they're gay but also gives an example of how difference is not tolerated or appreciated (for the most part). 

         A teacher in Detroit was suspended for three days after playing a hip-hop song, "Same Love" by Macklemore, in her class that has a pro-gay message. The school's action elicited a response from he artist of the song, Macklemore. He responded, "I believe that Ms. Johnson getting suspended is completely out of line and unjust.  However, I think it’s important for moments like these to be exposed and for us to pay attention and respond.  This level of intolerance and fear is still very active in America, but at times is not completely visible. This incident is just one of tens of thousands that have happened across the country where schools have exposed a latent homophobia, preventing safe space for all young people to feel confident in being themselves. It’s clear that Ms. Johnson felt bullying and “gay bashing” were issues that needed to be addressed, and by doing so, was punished. I wrote the song “Same Love,” not with the expectation that it would cure homophobia and lead to marriage equality across the US (although that’d be awesome).  It was written with the hope that it would facilitate dialogue and through those conversations understanding and empathy would emerge. This incident demonstrates how too often we are quick to silence conversations that must be had. Even if people disagree, there is far more potential for progress when people are vocal and honestly expressing their thoughts about gay rights.  When we are silent and avoid the issue, fear and hatred have a far greater life span.

It’s discouraging that a song about love and civil rights has led to a teacher getting suspended from her job.  But that’s where we are at. For those of us who get a pit in our stomach when reading a story like this, it just makes it abundantly clear there is far more work to be done."

         It's due to responses such as these that prevent (most) people from taking a stand and speaking up against the media and society. The incident that took place with the school teacher just goes to show us that we usually don't participate in or acknowledge conversations that must be had. "Even if people disagree, there is far more potential for progress when people are vocal and honestly expressing their thoughts about gay rights." It's when we're silent, when we avoid the issue(s), that fear and hatred have reign supreme. Macklemore's response was that his fans and viewers should not feel defeated or discouraged by what happened, but rather to see it as a call to arms. 

         As you can see, those who are different are ostracized by the media and society. The teacher from Detroit "always plays a song with a good message at the beginning of class". That day, a student brought the song by Macklemore to her attention and she played it for the class. The person who emailed Macklemore is a 4th grader, a child. As such, he's still 'innocent' ( still ignorant) of many things, and as a result, he spoke from within. "Your song is awesome, and I have no idea why someone would find it offensive". One of the main reason that the school took action and suspended the teacher for 3 days (2 of which were without pay) was because they were afraid that people, that the media, and society would find it to be offensive. It can be argued that the school has the mentality of those in George Orwell's 1984. The handler's are afraid that they might get punished if they don't take action against one of the citizens and that forces them to do so. The school didn't want anything to happen to it and so measures were taken against the guilty person, who in this case was a woman who was just showing her class what is an exceptional video. Change is not something that we like. It's not something that the media or society appreciates either but it's important to note that change is unavoidable. Regardless of when or how, changes take place. Sometimes change is met with little opposition, other times it's met with an obscure amount of opposition, but the thing is things will change. It's inevitable. The equality movement for homosexuals (for homosexuality) has been building for quite some time now and will only continue to grow. Like Macklemore said, "Even if people disagree, there is far more potential for progress when people are vocal and honestly expressing their thoughts about gay rights." It's when we're silent, when we avoid the issue(s), that fear and hatred have reign supreme. 

         Difference is almost never welcomed with open arms. Difference and change is met with a degree of caution and fear. If you look back at history at events like the equality moment for African Americans and women, you'll see that at the time advocates for those movements were met with much animosity. They didn't let the animosity stop them though. They fought for what they believed in and in the end were successful. We need to do the same. The media has given us this image of what it means to be homosexual. The media tells us what homosexuality is. From the media we get these stereotypes of what is normal and isn't normal. As you have seen, whenever something happens that isn't approved of by society or doesn't fit what the media has us believing is 'normal' it's opposed. But we can't let the opposition stop us. We need to talk. To voice our concerns, our desires, so that we can rise above it. Rise above all the opposition and hate, and progress.  

Eminem and Elton John: What-What in the Butt?

           For a long time, due to the media, the public thought that homosexuality was contagious. When HIV and AIDS were introduced to the American public, they were portrayed as a disease that only homosexuals contracted. When HIV and AIDS first appeared, not much was known about them and the lack of knowledge resulted in social unrest in the US. Generally speaking, those who are different are ostracized in society. Whether it be something small like the way one dresses to something big like their sexual orientation difference is not appreciated for the most parts in society. Differences are not appreciated because, ultimately, difference sparks change and change does not appear to be always appreciated.

Homophobia as a concept has been around since the beginning of time. However, the term "homophobia" was not used until American psychologist, George Weinberg, coined the term in the late 1960’s. Homosexuals are considered to be immoral, wrong, abnormal, and unnatural. It was not until as recent as 1975 that psychologists stopped treating homosexuality as a mental illness. Prior to, ‘medical science’ and psychology promoted the ideology that non-heterosexual behavior was perverse, sick, and abnormal. They also went as far as to say that it was a mental illness that needed to be cured.

It was a disease that little was known about and it had many negative connotations attached to it due to initial victims being homosexual. Regardless of why it wasn't talked about, initially, it was kept quiet and many people believed that it was something that only homosexuals contracted which is one of the ways in which homophobia arose. Many people initially thought that you could contract the ‘gay disorder’ just by being in contact with a homosexual. Now, there’s a disease that seems to be targeting only homosexuals. So now, not only is the general public of America avoiding homosexuals to avoid becoming homosexuals themselves, but now their fear is heightened due to an unknown disease that seems to target homosexuals.

It has been proven time and time again that we are afraid of the unknown. We like our world to be defined in a little box and once our box, our universe, is shaken, we become afraid and lash out which is what we did to homosexuals when HIV emerged in America. Like we still do to homosexuals.

The media portrayed HIV and AIDS in an extremely negative way and that led to more negative media and stigma for homosexuals. Due to all the negative media and stereotypes surrounding homosexuals, people who were thought to be gay or who were associated with a homosexual were ostracized or at least met with a plethora of negative responses. A few examples would be:

           - Earvin "Magic" Johnson (who has HIV)

           - Elton John (who is gay)

           - Macklemore (who was thought to be gay due to his song "Same Love")

           - Eminem (for his association with Elton John)

           - Frank Ocean (who has admitted to being gay relatively recently) 

Now, all these people are celebrities. Celebrities are often put on a pedestal and worshiped by some and criticized to Hell by others. Magic Johnson is one of the best basketball players of all time. He was seen as a respectable figure, a role model for many. However, when it became known that he had HIV, the world turned on him. Okay, maybe not the world, but the media had a field day on his behalf. They tore him apart. Many accused him of being homosexual. The opinion that people had for him changed in one fell swoop. It became known that he was a victim of HIV/AIDS and all the stigma and stereotypes associated with the disease become relatable to him, regardless of whether or not they are true. The same thing happened to Elton John. When it became 'common' knowledge that he was gay, he was hit with a lot of negative feedback. Elton was married earlier in his life, but is now in a domestic partner ship with David Furnish. Just like with Magic, due to the stereotypes and fear surrounding homosexuality, the media attacked him.

The same thing was seen most recently with Macklemore. Due to his song "Same Love", many people assumed that he was gay. In his song, Macklemore says, "In the 3rd grade, I thought I was gay...all these preconceived notions of what it all meant". Some people glance over that and assume that, since he's the artist of a pro-gay song, that he had to be gay and was bashed for it. Macklemore has given statements admitting that he isn't gay, although he has gay family members and that he knows many homosexuals. He goes on to talk about how the reason he wrote the song wasn't because he was gay, but because he couldn't help himself from making a statement; he couldn't help himself from making a stand. By not doing anything, by remaining voiceless, we are allowing media, society, religion, etc to dictate our lives. Many people know that what's happening to homosexuals is wrong, but don't do anything about it. You don't have to be the executioner to be guilty of killing the executed. By remaining silent and doing nothing, you're do just as much as the executioner. Think back to 1984 from one of my initial posts, the citizens of Oceania are afraid, and their fear dictates their lives. Due to their fear of the Party, they don't do anything that isn't approved by the society. Due to their fear, they aren't living their lives. Looking back at the lives of the citizens of Oceania, I would relate their lives to be similar to that of a bee hive. The citizens are all worker bees that work for the queen bee (the Party), and what the worker bees do are regulated by drones. 

We remain silent because we don't want all of that negative stigma and stereotypes to come back to haunt us and so we remain silent. Remaining silent didn't win women their rights. Being silent didn't get rid of slavery. Being silent doesn't stop genocides. Being silent doesn't stop hate or fear. Action does.  

Eminem, like Macklemore and others, took a stand. Eminem performed with Elton John at the 2001 Grammy Awards. Eminem has been accused of being homophobic and in a few interviews he replies that he isn't. The reason that he's accused of being homophobic is due to the language he uses is songs like “Kill You”. 

Alleged homophobe, Eminem, took a stand. He had a special guest for his Grammy performance of "Stan" — the openly bisexual Elton John. After which, the accused homophobe was accused of being a homosexual himself! Many people, including myself, gave Eminem props for taking a stand and showing people that it's okay to associate with homosexuals. Although Eminem earned respect in the eyes of many, he was also attacked by others who came to conclusion that he was gay as well due to his association with Elton John. Guilty through association. 

John, who has been championed by the same gay activists who have frequently attacked Eminem, sings the song's chorus, which, on record, features a sample of pop singer Dido. The song appears on Eminem's 2000 album, The Marshall Mathers LP, whose nomination for the "Album of the Year" Grammy has generated a continuing controversy. In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, John said that the idea for the Grammy duet was Eminem's and that the singer was prepared for the detractors and protesters the joint appearance might cause. "I'm a big fan of [Eminem's] music," John told the newspaper, "and I said I would be delighted to [do the song]. I know I'm going to get a lot of flak from various people who are going to picket the show. ... I'd rather tear down walls between people than build them up. If I thought for one minute that he was [hateful], I wouldn't do it." Eminem's four Grammy nominations have drawn the ire of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, which has called the rapper's lyrics hateful and homophobic (in earlier songs). In another interview, Sir Elton said that the people who think Em has recently lost his sense of humor, since he's now supportive of homosexuals, are dead wrong. "He's got a great sense of humor," John told Rolling Stone. "When David [Furnish] and I had our civil partnership, he sent us a present. In a case, on velvet cushions were two-diamond c--- rings. So there's a homophobe for you [laughs].  Eminem's present was seen, by many critics as more evidence that he's a closet homosexual. 
           Another hip-hop artist that is associated with homosexuality in the media is Frank Ocean. On Tuesday, June 5, 2012, R&B star Frank Ocean came out of the closet. Ocean comes clean about his bisexuality. There were many articles published in regards to him declaration:  "Frank Ocean: My First Love Was a Man," "Frank Ocean Comes Clean About His Bisexuality And I Applaud Him For It!," "Frank Ocean Pulls an Anderson Cooper and Comes Out of the Closet." His declaration was met with a mix audience. As expected, the majority of the people were not pleased with his declaration, however, an increasing amount of people applauded his courage to come out of the closet. For example, "things haven't exactly been copacetic between Chris Brown and Frank Ocean". Chris Brown tweeted later on that day that, " My opinion on the whole Frank Ocean subject is ......... Love you u wanna love. It's ur decision. People stop searching for BS". (The "BS" Breezy is referring to is a report that he told paparazzi in France, "Man, no homo," when asked about Ocean coming out. The phrase it has gained popularity in hip-hop culture as something to say when, after giving props to another man, a guy wants to assure that what he said did not have any homosexual connotation.)
           It's sad to think that we have to insert phrases like, "no homo" at the end of comments so that another person doesn't take it with a homosexual connotation. "Damn dude, you look good" would not be taken the same way as "damn dude, you look good. No homo." The 1st would be taken with a homosexual connotation and the 2nd without it. There so much homophobia and negative stigma in relationship to homosexuality and homosexuals in our society, in the media that a simple comment such as "damn, you look good" can be taken both with and without any homosexual connotation. Not only that, but still to this day the media, society, and in turn the public is critical of homosexuals, alleged homosexuals, and those who associate with homosexuals. 

It's One Love Guys. It's the Same Love

Here's a song by Macklemore. Many people know Macklemore (and Ryan Lewis) for their song "Thrift Shop". "Thrift Shops" a great upbeat song that just gets you pumped. I assumed that Macklemore would have other songs like it so I looked him up (on the web, iTunes, etc). After doing some research I realized that he had an album coming out so I pre-ordered it (I had a few iTunes gift cards lying around) and that might've been one of the best decisions I've made in the last few months. His album was average but there were a few songs that stood out to me. One of these songs was "Same Love" (Macklemore and Ryan Lewis Feat. Mary Lambert.

I found that song to be extremely passionate and moving. The song stands out so well in media (in my opinion) because there aren't many hip-hop artists that rap about what he does. Following in the tradition of his popular, socially concerned anthems "Outsiders" and "Wings", the lyrics are about dismantling homophobia and promoting marriage equality. "Strip away the fear, underneath it's all the same love". How many other rappers do you know that rap about what he does? Not many. That fact that he's one of the few rappers that do make him stand out, makes his music stand out. Because some of his music is so controversial and different, it's juxtaposed in media. Why is what Macklemore says so controversial? It's controversial because it's different. "If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me, have you read the YouTube comments lately?"

             "Man that's gay, get's dropped on the daily". On YouTube (and other outlets), if someone doesn't like something they may comment with something like "that's so gay" and use it with a negative connotation. When I initially heard people say that I was gay I looked it up. I goggled 'definition of the word gay'. Do you know what I got? It sure as hell wasn't something that dealt with homosexuality.

Something that's can be used to describe being "happily excited" or bright or lively, is given this negative connotation and is associated with homosexuals. Macklemore points out that we use the word gay, while it's being associated with a negative connotation too often and many people use it without thinking.

Hip-Hop's intolerance of the gay community is widespread and well known. Many rappers use homophobic language on albums that critics go on to rave about, making hip-hop and homophobia inextricably linked. By becoming numb to the language that we use, we are becoming increasingly blinded by our own prejudices. I think hip-hop is about as sexist and homophobic as any other pop genre. We have all heard the arguments against rap music whose critics silence the anti-capitalist, anti-racist, anti-police brutality, pro-community rhetoric integral to the Black American working class art form. And, let us not forget, there are rap artists -and not just this particular white one- who have and are (not always perfectly) challenging normative gender roles, sexuality, and patriarchy. I am reminded of Tupac’s pro-reproductive rights “Keep Ya Head Up” (1993), Mur’s “Animal Style,” and Black queer hip hop artists Meshell Ndegeocello, Le1f, Azealia Banks and Angel Haze.

The  video depicts a gay man's life from an embattled childhood through a joyous wedding day and then to an inevitable tragedy. The video does a good job of taking the lyrics and enhancing them. Here are some of the things that stood out to me from the video:

In the party, the kid's alone at the dance and then when he's at the wedding he's dancing with people (his loved one). It shows that at that point in his life he felt really isolated however when gets married he's not isolated anymore and draws a nice comparison between the 2 different periods in his life. The lighting in the music video also appealed to me as it helped enhance what the lyrics are saying and enhances the video. For example, when it's dark, the person in the video is confused, he's 'in the dark' (which you can also take to mean that at the time he was still 'in the closet'. However, when it gets lighter, it seems as though he finds himself and is happier now. He's no longer confused or alone anymore. Another point of the music video that I appreciated was the use of life and death. It doesn't matter what sex you are or your sexual orientation, you enter the world the same way you leave, alone and with nothing. That draws attention to the fact that regardless of what the person does or is, ultimately we are all the same.

The consequence and impact of what we say, and the culture of shame and abuse it creates, has very real, sometimes deadly impacts upon LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender, and questioning) young people looking for acceptance and belonging. The intolerance is not something that's exclusive to hip-hop.  Hip-hop culture is a part of American culture, and America can be scared, fearful, and prejudiced against its own. If you looked to the media for information regarding homosexuals and homosexuality you would see just how much we fear and prejudice we have against the LGBTQ community. Hip-hop is influential to young people, and frames the mindset of the generation that decides how inclusive and accepting we are. If we choose to not speak on an issue of injustice out of fear, or how our peers might perceive us, we’re part of the problem. We know the truth, and vainly refuse to uphold it, when people’s lives are caught in the balance. There is a huge stigma on those who identified and were perceived as gay; "All these stereotypes wrapped around my head". Remember when people that that slavery was okay? Yeah, I do to. Do we still have slaves? Why not? Because it was wrong. Are there still stereotypes and stigma associated with African Americans? Yes, but progress is slow. Change does not come along easily. We fear change, we don’t' want to leave our 'safe little bubble' but we have to. We have all these preconceived notions of what it means to be gay given to us by the media (society and religion), why do we listen to it? Why do be take what the media tells us and accept it to be the irrefutable truth? Truth be told, in many case we don't, so when it comes to homosexuality and gays why do we? 

The following is a link to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis: Tiny Desk Concert. It includes Same Song, Thrift Shop, and Can't Hold Us. If you wanted to see him perform live and take a look at some other songs by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis here you are. There are a few reasons I decided to throw these in. The main reason would probably because watching Macklemore and Ryan Lewis perform Same Love in person is extremely emotional and moving. Tiny Desk Concerts: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

I'm Not Gay...But My Baby Cousin Is

(My family members would rather their names not be use and so I made sure to refrain from using their names). 

Here's some more background info about my family. In an earlier post, I talked about how I have 2 younger brothers (15 and 7). I also mentioned that there was a time at which my mom thought that my brother (15) was gay and was having a relationship (a non-platonic relationship) with my cousin (16). My mom has 3 sons; my aunt also has 3 sons (16, 12, and 9). Seeing as how we're all boys and we live pretty close to one another we in turn grew up together. Literally. My cousins are over at my house for least 1/2 the year. Before they moved to Buffalo, we had next to no contact with them (my cousins). So when we started hanging out for the first time I was able to pick out certain...discrepancies about my youngest cousin. If I had to describe him I'd say he's a normal kid who just so happens to be gay. I mean I can say that now after knowing him for a solid 4+ years that he's gay. Now I doubt his parents realize that he's gay, truth be told I know that is parents are unaware of it. Although his parents are great people, they grew up in Bangladesh and Pakistan and have little tolerance for homosexuals. Personally, I think that once he tells them, they'll accept him for who he really is after the initial drama passes. 

So I said that I know that my little cousin (9) is gay but I haven't really explain how I can say something like that confidently. So growing up, my baby cousin was constantly smacking other guys asses and grabbing our junk. We've had to drill it into him that it's not okay to smack other guy's ass or grab their junk. When he's with girls he's really calm and serene for the most part. When he's with other guys he's like a regular 9 year old kid. But every now and again he does something that'll make a kid/guy feel awkward. For example, if he knows someone (a guy) is in the bathroom he'll try to walk in on them. I remember telling him that it's not okay to walk in on someone taking a leak or a dump. Those are all minor stuff though. One day he reached out and smacked my ass and I reacted a little harshly. I said something along the lines on, "What the fuck dude. Stop being so fucking gay all the time. I don't care if you're gay but stop smacking my ass, my brother's asses, and the asses of other kids. It's not okay to grab our junk either. Unless someone's okay with you doing that don't do it"! After that little outburst I walked out of the room and went into my room. On my way out I hear my cousin say, "How's he know that I'm gay?" My brother walks into my room a little while later saying, "You won't believe what I just heard". He told me what my little cousin had said and I told him that I heard him say it as I was walking out. He'd also told my brother that kids at school had made fun of him about it and that they told him that if grabs other guys' junk and trunk that they'd think that he wasn't gay. I don't know about you but those are some sadistic 9 year olds. I'm surprised that they even know what a gay person is! 

               After that event, I grabbed my brother (15) and cousin (16) and told them that we needed to talk to my cousin's youngest brother and explain some stuff to him and find out why he thinks he's gay. I also told them that if he actually is gay, or believes that he's gay that we need to let him know that we still love him and that that won't change. So we grabbed my baby cousin, sat him down and had a long talk with him. He was afraid of what we would say when we sat down to talk. When he (inadvertently) told us that he was gay, he gave us the power to take that trust and destroy him. He asked us, "Do you think I want to be gay? Do you think I want to be different? I'm not like most of my friends. I'm gay. If I knew how not to be gay, I wouldn't be gay. But I don't know how. I tried...but I just can't. I want to be straight, I was to like girls but I like other guys. I'm gay." 
               He gave us a position of authority over him. It’s similar to what Lauren Smith talks about in her article: Staging the Self: Queer Theory in the Composition Classroom. It talks about how whenever we give others something to judge us by we’re putting them in a position of authority over us. We’re giving them the power to hurt us. It’s important that whenever you’re given such a position to not abuse the power that you have been entrusted with. I found the most telling quote in the piece to be Butler's which essentially states that there is some form of identity struggle inside of everyone regardless of whether or not it (the conflict) is immediately apparent. It goes on to say that evaluating this identity crisis is a necessary endeavor. The metaphor of 'the closet' (in the closet/out of the closet) works well here because it's often related to homosexuality. The metaphor of the closet is usually seen as a product of heterosexuality that singles out homosexuality however at the same time it can also be used to deal with an implicit vs explicit method of teaching and learning. 

             Turns out my baby cousin had a boyfriend... My brother, cousin and I were shocked. How does a 9 year old figure out that he's gay and already have a boyfriend? Truth be told, he's a really smart kid. Before we sat him down and talked to him, he was constantly on edge and would blow off at someone over minor things. For example, if someone bumped into him, he'd flip out. After we talked to him, it was almost like he was a different person. He was a lot calmer. He didn't go around molesting other guys. He acted the way (I think a) 9 year old should act. He broke up with his old boyfriend recently and was torn about it, but we told him that one day he would meet someone even better. That he'll find someone who'll be perfect for him down the road. Unfortunately, he took that literally, and grilled me to figure out who on my block was around his age and gay. After explain it to him better, he looked at me suspiciously and was like are you sure? After assuring him that I was he said, "Okay, but if you're wrong I'm gonna kill you". It broke my heart to see that he had very little trust for others. I mean after the little prank the kids in his grade pulled on him I'm not surprised. He's doing a lot better now know that he doesn't have to keep looking over his shoulder to see if his secret's out. The burden that he was carrying on his small shoulders is a burden that no one should carry. When he released his pent up frustration (I'm referring to his outburst when my brother, cousin and I sat him down) we were all rendered speechless. We didn't know that he was dealing with all the things that he was dealing with. Just to imagine what he went through. The soul searching that he went through, how he tried to be straight but kept 'failing' because we have this image, these stereotypes of what is and isn't acceptable.

              I found his situation to be similar to that in 1984. In 1984 the citizens constantly had someone watching over them. That affected their decisions and action. Just so, my cousin was given this image of what happens to homosexuals, and how they're treated and he was afraid of what would happen if his secret became known. He was constantly looking over his back to see if anyone was watching what he was doing, if anyone had discovered his secret. Now that we sat him down, told him to forget everything he thinks he knows about homosexuals, and told him to just be himself and not worry about what others might say, he's changed (in a positive way). We told him that if he's happy when he's with another guy then he should go for it. If he likes guys, it doesn't bother us, and that we'll be there for him always. That even if his parents and mine go ape shit over it, his other brothers and cousins will be there for him. I think that just knowing that there are people out there who respects and loves him for who is made a huge difference for him. 

                He's different, so what? We're all different. Although, we (my cousin, brother and I) were initially skeptical about my baby cousin's declaration that he was gay, we came to the conclusion that he was in truth gay, or at least thinks he's gay. Personally, I don't think he's a confused little boy who thinks he's confused. After talking to him and seeing the determination, conviction, fear, and longing on his face, I can proudly say that he's gay. Nothing has changed between us, except that he now controls himself (by not going around molesting guys) better as he doesn't feel like a fugitive; he's a calmer, happier person as a result. The media and society gives us this image of what's okay and not okay. This image of normalcy that's given to us by the media is embedded into our minds. The media's influence on us is so strong that we're afraid to be different. We're afraid of how others will react to our difference. We're afraid of what will happen to us due to our differences. Not only has the media influenced how we (heterosexuals) view homosexuals but also how homosexuals view themselves. Growing up they've see how difference isn't tolerated. That if you're not relatively 'normal' then you were ostracized. Now they realize that unlike other people, they are attracted to members of the same gender? That's something that's as far from normal as possible (according to religion, society, and the media). Homosexuals not only have to deal with how heterosexuals view them but also how they view themselves. I mean for the most part, they themselves have grown up with this image of normalcy engraved in their minds. Then they realize that they are not going to ever fit that image because their different. We need to reach out to them (homosexuals) let them know that it's okay to be different. That we are all different, and that it's our differences that make us unique, that make us individuals. That it's okay to not what the media, society, and religion think is normal because there are only a handful of people (if even that many) that fit the image of 'normalcy' perfectly.